before the night conceived the stars • before the dawn • before the eyes deceived us all
sun in libra | moon in gemini | scorpio rising
figure 1. humble. proletariat. outsider art. nihilist. disordered personality sprinkled with a manic depressive mood. no single identity. daily life as a dependent and slave to my completely separate mind. ‘i have so many selves i can hardly contain them all’ a minimalist. an over-thinker. destruction of relations.
figure 2. i am very bad with words and even worse explaining myself and my goal. through various outlets, i feel i can properly express every emotion and feeling in my years of existence that i can’t express with words or speech. i work with various mediums depending on my mood. i utilize the surrealist drawing technique surautomaor automatic drawing. by using this method, there is no plan or idea. no rhyme or reason. every ‘mistake’ is meaningful. nothing is erased.*
figure 3. everything is exactly how it’s meant to be at that very nano-second in existence. the same concept is applied to many of my projects. the creations are as improvised and unplanned as our own existence. i create my own distorted characters and worlds that subtly represent different aspects of my life.
figure 4. mostlyeverything i’ve done involving sisyphus:1983 was done through ‘bullshit’ methods, utilizing whatever light the environment gave that day, emotion i was feeling, or mood i was in that day. it expresses one small day at some point in my life that cannot be planned or controlled. improvisation is the foundation of everything i do, as uncontrolled my life is, so is my work. work that can’t be fixed up or perfected.
figure 5. each work is a ‘journal entry’. since existing became a tedious and tiresome act, documenting it became almost therapeutic. a lifetime struggling with varying degrees of trauma, institutionalized, diagnosis, loss, and all that came with it. the daily routine of waking up and being a part of the world gets harder each day and each situation. the hundreds of situations that occur in a day are too many to dissect my reason for being. i am simply navigating through this world the best i can. expressing all of this in my work by mapping the detailed warped world of my own.
figure 6. the proletarian human link of existence with my own. a collective consciousness in modern society, living among growing technological control, the extinction of privacy, how do we view ourselves? does empathy exist? continue to sleep, or break the silence with the ‘why’?
‘it happens that the stage sets collapse. rising, streetcar, four hours in the office or the factory, meal, streetcar, four hours of work, meal, sleep, and monday tuesday wednesday thursday friday and saturday according to the same rhythm – this path is easily followed most of the time. but one day the “why” arises and everything begins in that weariness tinged with amazement.’